The Birth of Baby James - A Virginia birth photographer and doula's VBA2C story

When we tell one birth story sometimes what comes before is just as integral to the story...

When I became pregnant for the first time I was 19. I knew I wanted the natural birth experience, but aside from visiting the labor and delivery ward before going into labor....I didn't do much research. There are many things I would do different now that I have lived life, and learned a lot of things relating to birth, but if I am completely honest....I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time and that is all any of us can really say.

(Side note: This is why these days I feel so completely ecstatic to educate people on all things birth.)

At the end of my labor as I was pushing out my baby, the OB had to the resident "try his hand" at an episiotomy....on the real life human, having a real life experience in front of them...me. In the days recovering I suspected I had ripped open my stitches, was denied a check leaving the hospital, and 4 weeks later informed I HAD ripped out my stitches, and that it needed a repair in the following months. OHH...MAN. Not a fun experience...

The next time i became pregnant...

The OB I saw told me I should have a c-section because I "wouldn't want to ruin my new stitches" (even though this was years later) and "I couldn’t push a baby out with out a catastrophic perennial tear since I don’t have stretchy tissues. After all with less stretchy tissues in your perineum I would probably need an emergency c-section if baby got stuck anyway"

Spoiler alert alllllll of that is not evidence based AT ALL....but I had 2 c-sections because of his fear tactics.

A few years ago, when my then youngest (#3) was a baby, I decided I wanted to photograph births. In hindsight I had no clue what I was getting into, but my first experience was a home birth. OHH. MY. WORD. I fell in love with every part of it and decided that very day if I had anymore babies I would never go back to the hospital. This mom was complete one in charge, she moved how she wanted to, labored in the tub, caught her own baby, and instead of talked down to she was asked things like “what are you feeling right now?” SOLD. Everyone should have that kind of experience. 

Then i became pregnant...

It was the day we got our house hold goods...we had just moved from NC to VA. We where unpacking and I found a pregnancy test, a few minutes of contemplation later I peed and found out I was pregnant! My head immediately began spinning...home birth, I MUST have a home birth...I know (now) that the odds of having a successful VBAC (let alone a VBA2C) in the hospital without having to fight and claw my way to the kind of low intervention, hands off care I wanted in my birth was next to impossible. BUT I did do my research, I looked at the numbers put out by the two local hospitals and let me tell you....they where not very cute....

I immediately started looking for a midwife. Long story short, I couldn’t find a midwife who would “service” where we moved to (aka the middle of no where), was experienced enough to take a VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 C-sections), AND was comfy with the distance we live from the hospital (did I mention we moved to the middle of no where). Anyone I spoke to had an objection with at least ONE of those points.

I really had to grieve the fact I may never get my home birth. (Allas, I’ll have to settle for supporting moms who DO get theirs) 

I found a local birth center 30 minutes away from my house, with wonderful midwives that regularly support VBACs, as well as twins, breech, and other things the out of hospital midwives in NC would have never be legally allowed to attend. (Thank you Jesus for the move to VA!) My choice to go with THESE midwives was solidified when I walked into their main gathering space and saw a story I am fond of (or part of a story I'm fond of) depicted on the wall....

I realized how truly blessed I was to be in the position I was, to be in a state where midwives are legally recognized to be the true experts on physiological birth. Something they of COURSE are, but many states still don't recognize some types of midwives. I truly wanted a home birth, but when that looked like it wasn't going to be possible I started to dream about the other things I could have in my birth.

Dreaming about my birth

During the mental prep for my out of hospital vaginal birth after 2 c-sections, I listened to podcast after podcast. My favorites where birth stories of all the mothers who came before me, to bring their lovely babies into the world. I listened to VBAC stories, to home birth stories, to hospital birth stories, to birth center birth stories, to hospital transfer stories, any kind of story I could listen to I did...the one big reigning theme I understood without a doubt is this. Our God deeply and truly cares about the details. That we can pray boldly about how we want our birth to go and then hold OUR plans with an open hand. Knowing that he cares make doing that a little easier.

Here is my "birth plan with God" page from my journal written June 19...

• Clear and defined start to labor, with enough time to contact Emily to arrive safely - Lord, work out all HER details at home.
• I am able to have Maryann (and Rebekah if she wants) have a good view of THE moment.
• Everyone can have a good time, only I am able to make the choice to choose joy in the hard!
• Sweet moments between me and Sam (& Maryann) but especially Sam
• NO medical emergency!
• No tearing/breathing baby out. If I tear, minimal, not requiring stitches.
• Sound mind to experience everything.
• Able to last minute find an in budget photographer!
• Sweet first week PP.
• No PP rage.
• Finding a community to support us PP.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit - Proverbs 18:21

Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you - 1 Peter 5:7

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Philippians 4:13

You keep her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because she trusts in you - Isaiah 26:3

~ Lord , your timing is perfect and you are in control of every detail.

With the gift that is hind sight...thank you Jesus!

The day I turned 40 weeks it was my dad’s birthday. We don’t have a great relationship, we have not named either of our boys family names from my dad (but did from Sam’s). But I really fell in love with the possibility of him sharing his birthday. Maryann was also born ON her due date so I assumed this guy would arrive by then. I’m not sure if that’s played a role or what BUT I had time able strong, contractions for 8 hours that day!! Yay it was time….My doula Emily was a dear friend in NC (so she had a 4 hour drive) and we called her, she drove up, watched me for about an hour, they got to 2-3 minutes apart and her, my mom, and Sam all decided we should probably head in. We got in the car aaaaaaand nothing. They stoped. I slept the whole ride thinking “ohh man everyone says the car is the worst part and this isn’t so bad”. When we got there the midwives asked if I wanted to be checked and I really did. Girl. I was ONE cm. I cried. and cried. and cried…..

The midwife suggested I take come melatonin and try to get a good night’s sleep. (Fun fact, melatonin works WITH oxytocin!) So I did but when I woke up I was SO sad to not wake up in the middle of the night to have a baby. That was Monday the 15th of July. 

My doula decided to stay and see what happened labor wise.

Tuesday the 16th- We tried to keep busy. We went to breakfast, goodwill (remember how my doula drove up the 4 hours because I was surly in labor...she didn't pack for an extended stay...) and target. We took a nap. Then watched a few birth documentaries! A very calm day full of distractions, but surly tonight I would wake up in labor....

Wednesday the 17th - After going to bed and waking up with no baby my doula and I chatted about the role rest plays in labor. (Which is a big role! Oxytocin is released when you’re relaxed and oxytocin brings on contractions.) we decided to get me the prenatal massage that the Birth center provides once in pregnancy included in my care. At that point I was SO exhausted, and after I chatted with the midwife again. She gave baby a feel and we decided baby was OP or sunny side up (we were spine to spine instead of him facing my spine) and she suggested going to the chiropractor! My doula and I then called her sister who specializes in prenatal body work and getting people stretched out to get babies in a good position for natural labors. She gave us a circuit to try to get James to rotate, the thought being that after that BAM I’d be in active labor! That day we did all the things. Massage, chiropractor, stretch and inversions that was recommended, then we went to bed……and woke up without going into labor….tears.

Thursday morning I woke up at 4am to STRONG contractions. They were 6 minutes apart and were different from what I felt before! I was thinking by night time we’d be at least well on our way to a baby. This morning I was so over the moon! I labored by myself around the kitchen, when Jeremiah woke up I labored on the couch while snuggling him. It was so sweet. Again we did the chiropractor, did the body work. I labored on the couch, on the ball, and all over the house until things calmed down around nap time…. tears. I spent a lot of time doing hip circles on the ball, for the rest of the day, I pumped. Every time I got my contractions to be regular they would stop. Tears. The good news was, I was fairly certain he had turned around! That night before bed I really cried out to the Lord. Asking for peace in this season for my soul. For JOY from my kids. For levity in my home. For this baby to come when he’s ready but also…like soon please 😂…I really felt peace before bed. The verse “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” kept running in my mind. 

Friday the 19th I once again woke up with no baby in my arms. (tears!) After a morning petering around the house I laid down for a nap. That nap I could get settled. Sam came home early from work and crawled into bed with me and we just rested together. (Thank you Jesus for this sweet moment) I started having stronger contractions again, so I started up my playlist of hymns. Mentally at this point I’m exhausted, and I am MAD! Why can’t I just have this darn baby!! If I had just got a c-section I’d have my baby by now! I got up and decided I was going to FURIOUSLY clean my bathrooms. While I’m cleaning the bathrooms I repeated to myself “You will keep her in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because she trusts in You”. I had lost a baby in 2020 between Rebekah and Jeremiah. The hymns being sung to me during these moments where the ones I lived on in that really hard time. I think in those moments where I was really mad and just sobbing, and contracting really hard I was grieving. I kept thinking about that time in our lives, and the people I love who supported me during that time. I felt like I was ready in my heart to welcome our last baby by the time I was finished cleaning the bathrooms. After I came downstairs things settled again around the time we put the kids down and I went to bed exhausted, sad, confused, and completely defeated. 

Saturday we decided to do a house project (wrapping the kitchen island in wall paper). We went to get supplies, went to the chiropractor, came home, did the circuit, decided to pump and started wrapping the island. As we’re working I go from joking about getting g it done before labor to actually not being able to work while having contractions (my sweet doula friend finished as I worked through contractions 😂) …. We decided to walk around the block and SHEESH every little bit of have a strong contraction and think “thank you Jesus! Keep em coming!” By the end of the first lap I was having to stop and squat a little to get through them. We came inside and I laid down on the couch, but they were still super intense, but only if I stayed on my side. They were pretty on top of each other at this point and we called the midwife but I ultimately decided I wasn’t ready to leave yet and I got in the bathroom instead of leaving for the birth center. A few hours later I was hungry and tired, and still having strong contractions…but they were spacing out. I ate some food and we all went to bed expecting to be going to the birth center not long after I got comfortable….but once again I slept hard and when morning came I had no baby. 

Sunday morning I came to realize that I could do all the things to get labor moving, but if baby wasn’t ready it wasn’t going to happen. I thought at that point I knew that you can’t control labor. But I had no idea how much you REALLY can not control labor. I had to REALLY surrender to not being the one in control of the situation. The ONLY real comfort I had was “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” 

We’re not in control, but we know the one who is. We know he loves us deeply and knows, and wants what’s best for us. When we know that the waiting isn’t so scary. 

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing all the things to try and get baby out. But if it’s not time it’s not going to be productive. Sometimes, if labor is close they work! But if not.....nothing is going to come of it.

During that “extra” time though, we where watching a birth video with the girls (who wanted to come) and there was an unexpected dystocia (baby got stuck) and then baby needed some helping breaths. All within the realm of normal but there was a lot of conversation about it…James needed helping breaths and the girls weren’t worried at all! (Sam was, but they weren’t) I’m really thankful for that. We also had the opportunity to flip him which potentially made my labor easier than it could have been. 

A WHOLE 8 DAYS LATER....As I woke up on Monday morning, I thought about my night. It was long, I was up every few hours to pee (which was absolutely not abnormal) but every time I got up to pee it was hard to sit still on the toilet. Those uncomfy contractions where back and making sleeping restfully hard. I had been at this for 2 weeks though and my new moto was ignore ignore ignore. I got up and got ready for the day. I went into my 42 week appointment with the midwives in better spirits than the pst few weeks. I met my husband there and it was one of the TWO times he had been able to come with me in all of my appointments at the birth center.

As we chatted with the midwives I had to focus when I had my contractions, but they where still very manageable and coming every 6 minutes. I enough was enough and I was ready for a little intervention and wanted the midwife to do a membrane sweep. When she did she "measured" me at 4 cm. I wasn't discouraged, just ready. After we where done they said something like "go get something good to eat on the way home, just make it something that wouldn't be terrible if you threw up" (when you reach transition around 6-8 cm many mamas throw up) - I can only imagine the conversation after I left...."Ohh we'll be back here tonight..." When we left the Birth center it was around 3pm ish.

On our way home the first stop was Cookout for a Peanut Butter Chocolate Shake! 5 minutes later down the road I am really struggling to eat my delicious treat. By the time we got home my contractions are so painful I am struggling to get out of the car. All I could think was "I am SO not looking forward to the ride back to the birth center". As I walked in the front door I got a call from a dear friend -

"Hey girl, how are you doin? I know you're 42 weeks today, how are you feeling about that?"

"Well....ohhhhh, hang on.... UUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH... ok I'm back!"

"Emarie! Are you in labor?!"

"Just a little bit...I think I just need to go lay down and rest so they go away..."

"Girl you're doing it! I am going to pray over you..."

-Line Disconnects-

I knew this friend and I knew her intentions, she was going to be praying over me while I had my baby...but first I really wanted a nap. As I laid down to rest my husband joined me on his spot. I knew he had been sent up to keep me company, and watch me to see if we needed to head back into the birth center, but while I tried desperately to get comfy I glanced over at him and he was completely passed out! luck duck! I seriously could NOT get comfy!! I nudged him and said, or maybe a shouted, "If you're not going to keep me company you better go downstairs and send my mom up!" He left with a quick "I love you!"

I really just wanted to get comfortable! I couldn't though....I got in and then out of the tub. Ohh man was getting out hard, but I knew I needed to start moving toward the car soon. My sweet 6 year old was holding my fan by my face, at one point at the peak of a contraction she got distracted and I shouted "REBEKAHHHHHHHHH" (while I tried not to yell, I couldn't NOT). She says that was the scariest moment of the whole day "but mommy wasn't mad at me, she was having a painful contraction". (Love that girl) I got out of the tub and was doing my best to put my clothes back on and I threw up...I knew this either was, or was almost transition! I needed to leave. The ride back to the birth center was pure torture! Why on earth did I want to do this again?! If I was heading to the hospital the epidural would be #1 on my list of things to do when I got there...but I wasn't going to the hospital and in that moment I was calling myself crazy!!

When we got there I was greeted by the midwives helping me inside. As soon as I got into our room I was on my hands and knees vocalizing. "Soooo these seem to be effecting you more than earlier!" (Outwardly I think I may have glared at her, maybe even growled, but inwardly I was chuckling, because thats exactly what I would be thinking if I was her)

"Relax into them" "Surrender and open with each contraction", I didn't realize how hard it would be to not fight each contraction! My mom and both daughters arrived, followed my the photographer. Not once did I think my girls being there was distracting. I really truly wanted them to be able to have the experience of a lifetime watching their brother come into the world. I wanted them not only to be able to look back on their experience and know that it is perfectly reasonable to want to have a certain kind of experience when they have their own children, but I wanted them to look at these moments and know how normal the whole "birth thing" can be.

I was encouraged to get into the tub, I don't think I realized in the moment how relaxed I was in between contractions until looking over my images. There where pauses where I was deep in the labor land rests. I started to feel my breath catch at the peak of each contraction and knew my body was pushing a little. Just like that the midwife said to me at “Emarie if your body is telling you to push, you can push” and I just thought that was the most supportive amazing thing I’d ever heard. Every contraction I started to reach down and feel my progress. It was so encouraging to me to be able to know and talk through exactly what was happening. There was a moment when I just started sobbing because I realized I WAS DOING IT! I was going to push out my baby! I was experiencing all of the things I knew to be true about birth and women having very capable bodies!

After a while I started to say that I was feeling tired. While I was tired, I think I was trying to communicate that I was tired of pushing and I wanted him to come out already! Someone suggested getting out of the tub and try laying on my side to push. I also heard something along the lines of "gravity can be helpful". I agreed to get out of the tub but as I stood I had a strong contraction and couldn't help but push a little, "in the water or out of the tub" was running though my head. The second it was over I said "HOW"......meaning HOW was I supposed to be able to climb out of this big ole tub?! but guess what my midwife said "everything still works" and it was in fact true...everything still works.

When I got out of the tub, immediately I could feel is head start to come out, a little with each push at first, then his whole head came. I can still hear y mom narrating the room, "the girls have the best view behind you", "Sam is ready to catch him", He's right there! With the next contraction you'll push out his shoulders then it will all be over". I have a picture (that I will always treasure) of me laughing with his head out because I heard Rebekah say “look at his tiny ears!”.

Sam caught him, I pulled him up to me, it was wonderful. He had a cord around his neck (which is absolutely not an emergency) that was slipped off by the student midwife before I pulled him up to me.

He wasn't crying right away, and needed some extra helping breaths. along with the a little more bleeding that the midwives would like to see, so I got a shot of Pitocin. These things where things I certainly didn't hope for, but they are apart of my story, and because I was in the comfortable, safe environment I was in, they aren't the focus, and don't feel scary or traumatic looking back on them.

And you know how I “couldn’t have babies” because I “didn’t have stretchy tissues left” yeah….he was over 10lbs and I didn’t even tear! Take that smelly old OB guys! I only had people I know and loved in the room, my oldest daughter go to cut the cord, and our baby barely left our arms let alone the room....THIS is family based care!

In the end my prayers where answered, and I had the most beautiful birth experience. It's what I wish every mother could have, the ability to look back on their birth with only joy and no fear, or disappointment.

I hope my story encourages you to surrender to the wait if you're pregnant. You’re doing a great job cooking that sweet little bean. Out of hospital birth experiences are AMAZING and so worth it.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You”